By Brandon Drew Holmes

Hey children ❤

So first off I wanna say thanks for checking back in and being all supportive and stuff. It’s like, really cute of y’all. HUGS, bae baes! It’s Memorial Day weekend so put on your RED, WHITE & BLUE and check out these stellar events. Get your celebration on!


PANSY DIVISION (9PM-MIDNIGHT // $8 // SF EAGLE //MOREThis flyer’s got game … seriously though. I’m not joking. I want to see better event flyers around town. Like, the Bay’s flyer game is weak. All these art schools, graphic designers and creative types out here and our electricity poles are littered with depressingly underwhelming event announcements. That being said, s/o to Richie Panic and his Lights Down Low crew for having that STRONG FLYER GAME. But yeah, Pansy Division. The groundbreaking queer punk band is playing its only San Francisco show of 2014 tonight with Zbörnak, Muñecas and Clutch the Pearls. Four queer bands for $2 each. Get on it!


Duh, go to the closing reception for THE POSSIBLE (7:30PM//$7 // BAM/PFA // MOREexhibit. Why am I telling you to go to Berkeley this weekend? (Cause let’s not fake like it’s not mentally, emotionally and physically taxing to be there, even if you live there.) Because DJ crew NguzuNguzu will be throwing the fuck down in the middle of that fucking museum. Yes, yes, y’all. NGUZU-mufuckin’-NGUZU. They were just here last week with Kingdom and Prince Will to host SF’s first Fade to Mind party and it was everything. EVERYTHING. I “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSED” so hard I almost lost a lung but for the babies that were either too broke, busy or tired to make it out that night, here’s your second chance. Go get turnt the hell up, sweaty, drunk, cute and faded to their sounds. Oh and look at some artwork too.

SOMETHING (10PM-2AM//$7 // THE STUD // MORE) – Vivvy’s Mermaid EXTRAVAGANZA at the Stud. Did you just read the word “mermaid”? Do you like a lineup of drag performers doing their best (half) fish? Then go.

Back in the Bay for the night, swagged the hell out and ready to throw the fuck down. ANTWON (MIDNIGHT-4AM //$12-15 // ELBO ROOM // MORE)! As of late, a.k.a. my whole life, I feel like I’ve been having to defend the music that I appreciate. I mean, whatev, I get it, redundant people gone be redundant people, but let me say this about rap and hip-hop. The roots of that tree go deep and the branches reach high. Hell, the leaves probably big enough to shade your entire being. But nonetheless there are aspects about it that are tired, I know. The ongoing need to create songs that are just longwinded ways of saying “I’m better than you” is one of them, which is why I give Bay Area rapper Antwon mad hugs for simply being able to lay down in one sentence why he better than y’all … “We in the kitchen eating on a full stomach.”


“Wouldn’t the sentence ‘I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign’ have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?”

–Martin Gardner

I mean… that’s the exhibition title, that quote comes from the press release and it’s an art exhibition being hosted by The Lab. So basically if you aren’t feeling it already then it’s lost on you and so am I. Featuring work by Jason Benson, Sara Cwynar, Honza Hoeck, Erin Jane Nelson, Puppies Puppies and Brion Nuda Rosch and curated by Aaron Harour and Jackie Im, the exhibit is structured off grammatical, but ridiculously formed sentences. Check out the Wiki page for Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. I’d expect the exhibit to have a tone of silly meets difficult meets sleek meets adorable meets simple meets conceptually ripe. UPDATE: Oh, yeah! And I’m like totally DJing this event, so come and support me!

You know, as a teenager I worked at Six Flags, but the one I worked at never had a “Gay Day.” I have friends who fly around the world to go to these events. I mean, like yeah. Getting a BJ from your bearded, tank top wearing, Beyonce humming boyfriend on a rollercoaster and not having a soccer mom chastise you about it is probably great, but odds are you’ll still get chastised at GREAT AMERICA’S PRIDE NIGHT (6PM-2AM // $35-55 // GREAT AMERICA // MOREbecause they’ll prob be tons of gay soccer dads there with their kids.


Photo by Michael Short via SFGate

LOWRIDERS GALORE. Who in the right mind doesn’t stop and appreciate a well maintained lowrider? A redundant person, that’s who. But lets not forget the beautiful Brazilian dancers, the Afro-Caribbean drums, the food and the gloriously gorgeous faces that will be beaming during CARNAVAL SF (SAT 10AM-6PM; SUN 8AM-6PM // FREE // MISSION NEIGHBORHOOD // MORE. The show begins on Saturday from with vendors and performances and will maintain on Sunday with the centerpiece of festivities — the parade. Starting at 9:30am on 24th St. and Bryant it will coast its way west and then east onto Mission, ending on 17th St. Let’s show SF new money what culture, community and pride actually is. Turn down for what? Not those mofos.

There’s this theory that each generation’s fashion is in response to one the one before. That after a round of the insane, in comes the sober. That what follows a period of extravagance is a moment of simplicity. Like, duh, if you compare 90’s America to our country in the 2000s it’s like “whoa, man, what’s happening, so progressive, so hectic, so political” but in general it’s all pretty much just as cray cray as any generation.

Generationally and politically the ’90s were a response to the ’80s, but fashion-wise, that “response” was more or less an embarrassment to the ’80s. Think about THAT for a second while you pick out your ensemble to jam to the sounds of Vin Sol and Jeffrey Paradise at tonight’s CLUB 1994 (10PM-2AM // $12 // RICKSHAW STOP // MORE).

Drawing by Diego Gomez

ANOTHER WORLD POSSE BALL (8PM-2AM // $4.20-9.99 NO ONE TURNED AWAY FOR LACK OF FUNDS // 1720 MARKET // MOREThese folks are throwing a “360 degree” party. It’s one where everything has been taken into consideration, a gesamtkunstwerk of the nightlife if you will. I respect this. Because, not to be making enemies and shit, but just like our flyer game, our visuals/decoration game hasn’t been hitting the gym. It’s all good, we still cute. But yeah, these folks are giving you the best that they got, with the gents from Go Bang! providing you sounds.


Y’all already know, it’s HONEY SOUNDSYSTEM (10AM-4PM // $15-20 // BEATBOX // MORE). You live for this party, so go get your life. The classic residents (Josh Cheon, Robot Hustle, Jackie House and Jason Kendig) will be in attendance keeping your hearts thumping, your ears ringing and your bodies wet.

There’s very few parties that I religiously go to, but CLUB FIST (9PM-2AM // STORK CLUB // MOREis on the list. Cuties galore, loud beats galore, drag hotness galore, profanity galore, “galore” galore. Shit is plain old fun. There’s a fine line between “hot mess” and “turnt up”, but that sucka is typically blurred on this night. So with that said, please don’t be coming up in here with simpleminded folk cause it ain’t bout that. Hell, don’t be hanging out with simpleminded folk … but actually that’s problematic. Ok, take a break from simpleminded folk and come to this party and then like go get brunch or some shit with them the next day and try to help them not be simpleminded. But don’t like, beat yourself into the ground doing that because sometimes you just gotta do you and let them do them, which is a bummer because then they can’t come to this party with you in the future. Guest MC Cemora Valentino Devine will be holding down the fort with DJs Siobhan Aluvalot and Durt, alongside performances by Mocha, Jeepneys and the Fistettes!!!!!!

Okay Okay Okay O-kay kay kay… I have a headache and with all this said still have no clue what I’ll actually be doing on Monday. Hopefully eating a hotdog with coleslaw. If you said “ew” to that we aren’t cool anymore, but I leave you with this…

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A lifestyle magazine by Kelly Lovemonster and Caitlin Donohue. Not a total vanity project.