By Caitlin Donohue; Top image Kid Fury and Crissle of The Read
Permit me to set for you, a scene. Kelly and I and our handsome model boyfriends (fine they are doctors and DJs) are cruising off into the desert night, having just spent a pleasurable few days AHDM4U lifestyling (read: thrift store shopping and lounging by various pools with iced tequila drinks.)
But this will be a long night. San Francisco’s glitter is six hours away from us and for some reason we were having a hard time finding an In ‘N Out. You know when you’re at the end of a party weekend with your friends and it’s not that you’re tired of them but you’ve told all your stories, taxed your body, maybe spent too much money? That.
Happily a force in this world exists to counteract all no-so-fierce feelings and that force is The Read. This is a podcast for your life, hosted by New York’s finest Kid Fury and Crissle. The two read celebrities to filth in the gossip section, give painfully honest advice to listeners, and props to superlative members of the black community (think high schooler entrepreneurs and single moms with PhDs.) I tell you that their smoothly delivered truths will soothe your soul — if yours is the kind of soul soothed by real talk by QPOCs.
That night, The Read drove the car for us. The cackling! The thoughtful discussions sparked! The love we felt in our hearts for the human beings that birthed this important piece of media! Listen to every episode yourself, and bless your life with this track on which some genius mixed Kid Fury and Crissle getting very “radical feminist” with Nicki:
Why am I telling you all this when this post is supposed to be about your Bay Area weekend culture calendar?? BECAUSE THE READ IS IN SAN FRANCISCO LIVE THIS WEEKEND. It’s sold-out, so a single tear for you if you don’t already have tickets. But then, I’m in Mexico City with 100 percent no chance of infiltrating or scalping a pass so I really don’t feel all that bad for you.
THE READ LIVE (SATURDAY // 6:30-9:30PM // SOLD OUT BITCHES! // AFRICAN AMERICAN ART AND CULTURE COMPLEX // MORE)
But first, you should make it through the next couple of days and today is the perfect chance to enjoy your living-in-the-Bay-Area self (kind of jealous). Town’s BEST political theater troupe is putting on one of their always free shows by Lake Merritt. I grew up going to these guys and I tell you that SAN FRANCISCO MIME TROUPE: RIPPLE EFFECT (THURSDAY // 7PM // FREE // EDOFF MEMORIAL BANDSTAND, LAKE MERRITT // MORE) will make you happy to be a weirdo liberal person, GO.
Club Some Thing is having its annual trip to the country this weekend. SOME R CAMP (SATURDAY-SUNDAY // BUS PICK-UP SATURDAY AT 11AM, CAFE FLORE // FESTIVITIES @ TRIPLE R RESORT, GUERNEVILLE // MORE) is really your best opportunity this summer to watch drag queens flop about by a swimming pool, or dress up like an animal and parade the streets of Guerneville Saturday night. The promo campaign this year is a buncha beautiful photos of people cuddling in a hotel room, which is a super accurate portrayal of the trouble you’d get into on this trip. Here’s some of my casual shots from last year’s Some R Camp, in case you need visual proof of this:
BAY AREA DEAF DANCE FESTIVAL (FRIDAY & SATURDAY, 8PM // SUNDAY, 4PM // $25 // DANCE MISSION THEATER // MORE) should be gorgeous, and is an important fundraiser for hearing-disabled local causes. Support!
LOW RIDER ART EXHIBIT AND CRUISE (SATURDAY // 6PM // FREE // MISSION CULTURAL CENTER FOR LATINO ARTS // MORE) Ohhhhh you neeeed to go see Yolanda Lopez’s 1979 photo series “Las Santas Locas”, which profile a women’s low rider club — not to mention the rest of the artists’ work at this rad low rider-themed group show. Afterwards, the SF Lowrider Council will roll/hop their candy-colored rides down Mission Street, always an inspiring sight ❤
THE CRUISING DIARIES BOOK SIGNING (SATURDAY // 7PM // FREE // 1-2-3-4 GO! RECORDS // MORE) I’m dyyyying to read Janelle Hessig and Brontez Purnell’s new graphic novel about Brontez’s sexual exploits in the East Bay. Tonight would be the best intro to this work of art, as the night kicks off with a BBQ, rolls into a reading, segueways into a dance party.
THE FUTURE OF FEMINIST PORN (SATURDAY // 8:30-11PM // $12-20 // CENTER FOR SEX AND CULTURE // MORE) With two of AHDM4U’s official queer porno heroines — Courtney Trouble and Princess Donna Dolore — offering their expertise on the matter, this panel is a can’t-miss for fans of porn that empowers women and everybody else while it’s at it. Not guaranteeing that it won’t be free of drama either — these women have points of view.
POUND PUPPY (SATURDAY // 9PM // SF EAGLE // MORE) Were I a hot, hairy man, I would most certainly go to this party to get laid. Sometimes I even go even though I’m not the target demographic, because I appreciated a good puppy tail butt plug and the people who throw this fetish party are really smart and fun.
SOULOVELY (SUNDAY // 3-8PM // $6 // THE ROCK STEADY // MORE) LOVE an afternoon hip-hop dance party in Oakland. Aima the Dreamer, Lady Ryan and DJ Emancipacion throw this monthly event, and there’s snacks and guest DJs and you need to check it out.
CARNIVOROUS BOG TERRANIUM MAKING CLASS (SUNDAY // 11AM-1PM // $60 // PAXTON GATE // MORE) Kelly is a big fan of dead animals as interior decoration, an aesthetic mindset I do not share. But we can agree on this class at dead animal/design boutique Paxton Gate, at which one can learn to make a fishbowl environment featuring plants that eat bugs and other small living beings.
THE SHADE TOUR MINI-BALL (MONDAY // 8PM-2AM // FREE // BEAUX // MORE) Maybe you had to work this weekend? All good because on the other side, our bb vogue king Jocquese Whitfield is hosting a ball with four categories. Five elements! Don’t fuck it up!