AHDM4U HOROSCOPES :: AUGUST 23 – SEPTEMBER 22

Okay PISCES, sorry we momentarily left your gif out of last month’s AHDM4U HOROSCOPES post. And I feel even worse because it was a Pisces who submitted the very first question (thus saving me from scouring the diaries of my friends and confidants) when I added an advice component to your regularly scheduled astrological gif reading.

This month’s question comes from an anonymous AHDM4U reader.

“My girlfriend and I have been in an open relationship for a year and a half, but I seem to be the only one who acts on it. I feel really sluttly and someimes slightly guilty. Should I tone it down? Should I encourage her to embrace her inner slut? Am I just overthinking this? Please help!” – Sluttly and Slightly Guilty

Well Slutty and Slightly Guilty, first I’ve got to admit your girl boopie is feeling a little twisted.

rl-gif

+

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(we don’t)

So I’m going to keep this brief and let the gifs do the talking.

Okay so Slutty and Slightly Guilty, you’re getting yours.

sarahpalinGIFy

You deserve props. As my chili-patterned bed sheets can attest, getting it in ain’t easy.

crying

but why feel guilty?

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Guilt is my least favorite feeling, a total waste of energy.

giphy

You and your partner like talk and stuff right? Maybe your partner is into some fantasizing in the next room Eyes Wide Shut shit, I don’t know.

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Just remember:

warning

Cloaked orgies didn’t work out so hot for Tom and Nicole.

You know what? I’m already over this conversation and over pondering your relationship. You’re giving some strong vibrational —

jackson-smooch

— energy which could mean a lot of things but to be honest, I’m really tired of couples thinking they’re interesting.

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YOU’RE NOT. There is real shit happening in the world at the moment and no one has time for what you two (or three, or four) are doing.

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Yep I just lobbed some shoes at you. And maybe I’m not making much sense, but I know this rage I feel is real and it feels righteous even if it’s sometimes misguided.

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On a closing note, searching for Netanyahu gifs was not as fruitful as I had hoped. Nixon gifs didn’t bear much fruit either. But Michelle Obama gifs deliver. There’s something to unpack there.

Over and out.

richardnixon

 And for the rest of you, this is what you can expect in the coming month.

VIRGO

bush_finger-lg

LIBRA

next-performance-please

SCORPIO

xETwp

SAGITTARIUS

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CAPRICORN

Pv25n

AQUARIUS

Bush shoots the finger

ARIES

06_newtsleeps

TAURUS

ronaldreagan

GEMINI

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CANCER

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LEO
rodneyking

Have a question for boopie? Send your inquiry to ahdm4u@gmail.com. 

About 4U Mag (264 Articles)
A lifestyle magazine by Kelly Lovemonster and Caitlin Donohue. Not a total vanity project.