AHDM4U HOROSCOPES :: SEPTEMBER 23 – OCTOBER 21

By boopie

Hey, I’m AHDM4U’S resident connection to the stars. I’m here to counsel you in times of need. This month’s question comes from Family Jewels.

boopie, girl I have a crisis in my hand. I’m a queer person of color that is not out to my extended family. I accidentally sent a string of sexts — nude selfies — to a family reunion group thread. My younger sister was on hand to neutralize the cellular debacle on my mother and father’s phones (I’m open with them but there are limits to familial closeness.) So far my aunts, uncles, second cousins and play cousins have all remained silent. How do you follow up a picture of your pierced clit to your entire family? The reunion is Martin Luther King Jr. Day weekend so we have time to figure out how I can make this better.

– Family Jewels

This is serious. AHDM4U receives many questions, but this one moved immediately to the top of our queue. I’m encircling you in my arms, sweet child, in your time of need.

First you need to thank your sister for doing you a solid

Then you need her to do a little reconnaissance

Lets see what she has to say because this could go a couple of different directions.

Maybe:

… and somehow mommy, daddy, sister and the unintended recipients of these glory-filled images were silent due to their lack of receipt of said messages.

But chances are

Now, a better person would tell you to inscribe a heartfelt note

 

Where you’re all

That person would tell you to make this a coming out moment.

Yeah …

We understand that piercing and photographing your privates doesn’t necessarily give away your queerness — it could just mean you’re a freak. But chance are, that distinction may be lost on your family.

But boopie isn’t that person to tell you to pause here when it comes to the self reveal. I’m here to tell you that:

You’ve gone this far, why not take it all the way?

You got to get your start somewhere.

But if I’ve learned nothing from the stars (see what I did there) it’s that any basic bitch can come up.

This may be a springboard for your budding celebrity. Hey and maybe your mom is less Clair

And more Kris

And like I said before, we’ve all got to start somewhere, might as well be with a clit pic.

What lies in the stars for everyone this month?

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

PISCES

ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

CANCER

LEO

VIRGO

About 4U Mag (264 Articles)
A lifestyle magazine by Kelly Lovemonster and Caitlin Donohue. Not a total vanity project.